Only in LA / Corndog resistance

Only in LA: I am walking down the street and a homeless man asks me for a buck to buy some coffee. I round the corner and see a young twentyesque model/ actor dude angrily throw his Venti Latte’ at an ambulance because the sound of the loud and screeching siren disrupted his call with his agent. Then I round another corner and noticed a shopkeeper crying as the gardeners replaced her small patch of brown dying grass with artificial turf. I asked her if she was ok.
” The only thing worse than fake plants are bowling balls with two holes” she tearfully explained. Than I go into Famima and resist the very strong to urge to buy corndogs for a late afternoon snack. They were having a special on corndogs, two for the price of one! But I over came my urge and bought some over priced electrolyte water instead. As I left Famima I heard a Pakistini and Indian man civilly discussing their countries differences. I joined their discussion as I walked home. A homeless woman saw us and said. “Aww how nice! The three Amigos from Dubai” She inspected our clothing and said . ” But where’s the gold? Ha? Where’s the friggin gold!? ” In no other city could such a chain of events occur within one hour. I no longer feel like an LA Adoptee. I belong. GO WARRIORS!1979544_10152772898926338_6804094900591192474_n

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Never forget your wife’s / partner’s birthday

My friend called me fuming. Her husband of three years forgot her birthday for the third consecutive year in a row. I told her to input her birthday so that he gets an I-calender and google calendar alert. She called me heartless and hung up on me. I guess I did not offer the support she was looking for in that moment. Feeling bloated with inadequacy. I just texted her husband and told him that he better come home from work with something real special tonight, and he said “WHY?|. So than I called his secretary and had her hand write a note saying : “It’s your wife’s birthday you idiot!” She called me back and said he literally fell out of his executive chair when he got the note. He than made a beeline for the nearest Tiffanys.