Hemispherical Disorientation

My colleague Lila Streichsand, who is an American artist living in Berlin, woke up to four polaroid photos sprawled across her bed when she woke up this morning. They were photos showing the chaotic messes she left in the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and on the balcony. Her new roommate, Helmut was hyper furious and annoyed by her piles of assorted notes, drawings, note pads and clothing scattered all over the place. She was so upset about waking up to these photos she called me in her rage , so I agreed to meet with her for a late morning coffee break.
“OMG! ” she exclaimed. “I am way too self aware to deal with this crap. Helmut is so friggin unconscious , and it is so painfully obvious that he wants to sleep with me! ”
” I think he just wants you to be neater.” I told her.
” Oh no, it’s very clear he wants to sleep with me. Otherwise why would he be thinking about me so much?”
I just stared at her. She noticed a flakey scone crumb on my beard. She reached over the table to wipe the crumb off my  overgrown beard.”
Than suddenly out of no where, her anal/angry roommate Helmut, came up to our table and said.
” Why you clean this man’s beard, and treat my apartment like a dump? Huh? You better clean up your act or you will be on streets! ” His German accent thicker than LA traffic on the 405.
” Wanna get a hotel room  with me tonight” asked Lila Streichsand? Helmut smiled from ear to ear. He  rubbed his hands excitedly together and sucked air through his teeth. He quickly pulled out his cell phone and booked a room at Hotel Berlin.
” OH hell yes, you messy disorderly American girl you, I would love to spend a marathon night with you! I will pleasure you better than my mother polishes her silver. Let me go now to buy special pre coital soap.” Lila looked at me and smiled. ” See, I am so intuitive. ”
I am now locked in my hemispherical disorientation.


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